เชื่อว่าหลายคนมีความฝันที่จะสร้างครอบครัวที่อบอุ่น มีลูกเล็กๆ วิ่งไปมาในมาบ้าน แต่การจะเลี้ยงเด็กสักคนให้เติบโตอย่างมีคุณภาพนั้น เป็นเรื่องที่ไม่ง่ายเลย โดยเฉพาะกับคุณพ่อมือใหม่ที่ยังอ่อนประสบการณ์คนนี้

 

 

Simon Hooper เป็นผู้ชายคนเดียวในบ้าน ครอบครัวของเขาประกอบไปด้วยภรรยาและลูกสาววัยไล่เลี่ยกัน 4 คน การเลี้ยงดูเด็กๆ จึงเป็นเรื่องที่ท้าทายเขาเป็นอย่างมาก

แต่แล้ววันหนึ่งเขาก็ได้ผุดไอเดียในการสร้างบัญชีอินสตาแกรมที่ชื่อว่า @father_of_daughters ขึ้นมา เพื่อถ่ายทอดประสบการณ์สุดเรียลในการเป็นคุณพ่อของเขาให้ทุกคนได้ชม จนตอนนี้มีผู้ติดตามกว่า 940,000 คนแล้ว

มาดูกันว่าสิ่งที่เขาต้องพบเจอในแต่ละวันนั้นมีอะไรบ้าง…

 

ครอบครัวสุขสันต์

View this post on Instagram

Here's to all the father's out there. To the new dads and the ones with a few more wrinkles. To the ones who act as human climbing frames, that fix broken things, that know all the lines to kids TV and that eat all the kids left over food. To the dads who stay at home, to the ones that work and to the ones that don't, to the fathers who are a shoulder to cry on, not someone to cry about. To father's that do night feeds, clear up sick and get on with life without making a drama. That stand in the middle of arguments instead of start them, that hide in the toilet to get alone time, that hold hands and give bear hugs that are accompanied a good dose of beard rash. To the fathers that tell terrible jokes & a constant embarrassment to their offspring but make life fun, that smile and know that that they are doing their best for the ones they love and to every other type of father there is out there. To father's everywhere – Happy father's Day. If yours was half as good as mine, it must have been a belter. #fathersday #mygirls #spoilt #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #indstdad #fod #dadsareawesome

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

ช้อปปิ้งกันสนุกสนาน

View this post on Instagram

If the summer holidays were a person, they'd have alot to answer for. In fact they'd have been called in for questioning & probably locked up for multiple life sentences by now as they get used a scapegoat for anything & everything by the kids. "But it's the summer holiday" is a sentence that rings around our house like an echo designed to make your brain dribble out your ears. It's responsible for: staying up way too late ✔️dinning on a sugary cereals any time between 8am & 7pm✔️ watching previously banned crap on TV ✔️having more biscuits in the house that a mcvities distribution centre ✔️getting away with behaviour that would send family phychologists into early retirement ✔️ random food items inserted into food shop with the stealth of ninja in kashmere socks ✔️ . Oh well, only 3 weeks to go. To top it all, When we got home, I locked eyes with Ottie who then immediately filled her undergarments without so much as a wince. It was then I realised I'd left 62 neatly packed unused nappies in the supermarket by the checkout. I'd forgotten them as I was being hassled for magazines and shopkins. Guess where I'm going now…..more nappies. #summerholidayshavealottoanswerfor #schoolholidays #3wkstogo #imgoingtostartsayingit #sugarhypedkids #dadlife #instadad #FatherofDaughters #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

นี่มันไม่ใช่แล้ววว…

View this post on Instagram

This is a long one, but it's worth it so bear with me. Day 6 & my parents are driving across the country to come & provide a helping hand. Having been on our own for so long, I've been running food stocks at bare minimum levels but after gazing into the fridge this morning, it became apparent that unless I wanted to feed my mum & dad cling film wrapped bowls of non descript half eaten meals, out of date yoghurts & veg that was growing new species, we were going to have to do a food shop before they arrived. Hands down the worst experience of the week – Delilah escaped the buggy & while chewing a pack of new Zealand lamb, proceeded to run away from me like a dog that had been stung in the arse by a genetically modified hornet. Minutes later a security guard returned her to me while I pleaded with ottie not to open the yoghurts. She ignored me & proceeded to dip her entire fist into it & do a picasso on the buggy. Oh joy. When we got to the checkout, i proceeded to unload everything from my basket , only to do a 180 & find my 2 Rays of sunshine had got out of their restraints again & were now proceeding to strip quicker than an overenthusiastic nudist on the first day of their holidays – Coats were thrown, wellies were discarded & trousers we round ankles. After members of the public helped load my shopping, i dressed them only for them to then scream solidly for the next 5 minutes without breath as I waited for everything to be scanned. I could actually feel my ass sweating from the stress as all eyes burnt holes in my head. I then forgot my pin number & after struggling to pull together enough cash , I realised I'd bought so much I couldn't carry it home without ripping my fingers to bloody shreds. To top it all, I got home only to realise I'd left the beer I bought on the floor by the tils. As you can imagine, the twins & I aren't talking right now. We need some space. #justkillmenow #whydidntidoitonline #teamworkdidntwork #stopthatgirlwiththemeat #solo #parenting #supermarketstrip #twins #fail #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

ภารกิจในแต่ละวัน

View this post on Instagram

I don’t know if anyone else is aware of this new trend that seems to be sweeping the nation, but if you’re under 3, apparently its super cool these days to wear your food instead of actually digesting it. This fad (which I’m sure I was part of when I was younger) has resulted in an ever growing mountain-range of stained clothes – the size of which the Alps would be intimidated by – and a never ending cycle of washing. In fact, if our washing machines were people, they would have unionised by now & called a session to address unfair working conditions & underpayment. That’s why we’ve partnered with @Persiluk Powergems try and reduce the workload by removing the grubbiest of stains & adding in freshness, all while keeping the clothes feeling like new in one go – this detergent is a gem (no really, what you pop into the machine are actually little gems!). Now I just need you to share some #laundrygems tips to help me figure out how to stop everything ending up in the duvet cover & how to identify cashmere items so that they don’t end up a size that a doll would have trouble breathing in! All suggestions welcome! #drowninginlaundry #laundrygems #thetattoosofthefabricworld #itneverends #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod #ad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

ทำความสะอาดแค่นี้ สบายมาก

View this post on Instagram

After the words "more", "no" and "nore" (which apparently means milk – can't see it myself, but we just go with it), the most frequent words to fall out of the twins mouths is "me help". It's nice to be surrounded by people who want to roll up their sleeves & offer a helping hand, the only problem is that those hands have the dexterity & lightness of touch that would have them thrown out of bomb disposal school on the first day of term. Yet it's all a learning experience so I begrudgingly agree to employ these two waiters in training and mentally prepare for the inevitable. Literally 3 seconds later, a bowl is on the floor, milk has travelled further across the room that I thought possible, 2 children are crying (1 giving me the finger) & I have rice crispies between my toes. Why does 'me help' always have to be served with a large side of cleaning up afterwards?! No wonder my forehead resembles a bear crawl attack. Those lines make Gordon Ramsey look like an oil painting. Oh well, practice makes perfect I guess. #thehelp #twosoups #practicemakesperfect #mondays #middlefinger #illhavemybreakfastonthefloorplease #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

เป็นทุกอย่างให้เธอแล้ว

View this post on Instagram

I can be sure of one thing in my life as parent. Doing anything that involves getting down to floor level – be it clearing up, retrieving rotting food from under the sofa or just your lying down as a result of being frequently more shattered than the cheap glass in an IKEA ribba picture frame – usually results in either someone inserting a random object down the back of my pants or being climbed on by at least 2 children who are hell bent of making my spine into a 'U' shape. This impromptu game of human buckaroo is all well & good until I inevitably get carried away at which point cries of joy turn to cries of fear as clumps of my hair are forcably removed from my scalp by hands that have the grip of an an over possessive octopus. It's not my fault that my impression of a bucking horse is on point. If you don't know how to ride, don't get on the stallion. Aren't Sunday evenings just the best… #mybuttcrackisnotagame #buckahoohomeedition #tamingastallion #professionalriderssonlyplease #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod #instadad #twins #sundayfunday

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

.

View this post on Instagram

With Anya at a friends house under strict instruction not to sneak slime ingredients into other people's houses & Marnie at a birthday sleep over, I was in charge of the sibling owned destruction company known as 'Ottie & Delilah demolitions Ltd'. Left to their own devices, they slowly take the house apart and today was no different. The epicentre, as always, is the veg rack as potatoes and onions are thrown by these minishot putters & as time passes the waves of destruction spread outwards towards the rest of the kitchen like as toddler induced earthquake. The answer was obvious to me – take away the use of their legs & limit movements. This seemed to work for a while & lead to uncontrollable giggling which drew @mother_of_daughters attention from getting ready to go out. She came in, shook her head, took this picture and just let us getting with out cirque du soleil trials. Winning….of sorts. See stories for the live version. #minishotputters #toddlerinducedearthquake #destructionmitigationstrategy #babycorestrength #familybalancing #twins #Fatherofdaughters #fod #Dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

ลูกอยากทำอะไร คุณพ่อคนนี้ก็คอยสนับสนุน

View this post on Instagram

Kids go through 100's of taster sessions & classes to discover a hobby or sport they love. It's just part of growing up, but it results in us parents fitted the bill for metric tonnes of uniforms, outfits & other paraphernalia that inevitably gets shoved into solitary confinement (a cupboard) to be wiped from our minds (along with the forgotten Xmas presents & odd shoes/socks) when they pack it in after just 6 weeks. My eldest ploughed through swimming, karate, gym, street dance, ballet, steel drums & now tennis. Marnie however came into this world knowing she was a gymnast – I'm sure she has some invertebrate blood in her or at least bones made of 90% gelatin as she contorts her body like a drunk tequila worm that's tied itself in knots. She's been flipping, splitting & springing like a richocheting bullet all over the house, leaving a wake of destruction behind her, in prep for her return to gym & in the process must have popped out a couple of vertabae that rolled under the sofa never to be seen again, as she can now cover her own eyes with her feet like a sort of human origami. I on the other hand, have a back made of pig iron that periodically just gives up, leaving me as helpful as a pool of melted snow. This is genuinely as far as I could get. #humanorigarmi #buythekitthentheyquit #guessimnota7yroldgirlanymore #gelatinbones #thatspainnotlaughter #peakaboowithyourfeet #needakitiveprobablygotit #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

เก่งมากลูก ฮ่าๆ

View this post on Instagram

This morning we were treated to a private perfromance from some trainee illusionists, (I'm always sceptical of magic involving twins, seems suspicious & lazy, right?). After opening the performance with the regurgitation a plastic letter 'A' which she'd swallowed sometime earlier to much applause (& retching), Ottie's next trick was to place her twin is the 'cube of eternal darkness' and make her disappear – the magic words were spoken and poof, like a crap David Blaine, the doors opened to reveal …….. a baby eating an unhealthy amount of packaging paper, accompanied by the strong smell of old broccoli. Well you can't win they all. A for showmanship, F for execution. #magicalcirclemembersheaint #shitmagic #kidsandboxes #offtohogwartswithyou #magic #FOD #fatherofdaughter #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

ช่วยกันทาครีมกันแดด

View this post on Instagram

Children are basically human versions of a 'find my phone' app – as annoying as it maybe, if kids are making a noise, you then at least know where they are, it's when they're silent that you need to worry as it usually results in a mess I'll get blamed for, a lot of scrubbing & a dubious home insurance claim. This evening I walked in on the aftermath of 'operation sunblock' – a covert operation to liberate all the suncream from my confines of my bedside drawer. The results – 2 well moisturised guilty looking girls who smelt like holiday & won't be getting a tan anytime soon & a floor more slippery that an overexcited eel who'd just won a jelly wrestling competition. Lessons to learn: 1). if its silent, something bad is happening & 2). I will always be the blame even if when I'm nowhere near the scene of the crime. #howisthismyfault #whykeepsuncreamthere #ghostkids #slipperywhenwet #itwasntme #twins #operationsunblock #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

เยี่ยมไปเลยหนูๆ

View this post on Instagram

Sat here this afternoon watching Marnie teach her little sisters how to potentially incur an irreversible spinal injury while watching TV, it dawned on me that this will be the first time in almost 2 years that both @mother_of_daughters & I will be away from our brood for more than 1 night and it's all a bit emotional. Yes, they drive us insane and make privacy as impossible as reeling in a blue whale using a garden cane and dental floss, but we're going to really miss them. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that were doing this for a good cause and the work we do with @soaperduper and @wateraid in Madagascar will be making a difference to families who have next to nothing in comparison to us. They'll be in safe hands anyway, just hope that don't break my parents over the next 6 days as I'm quite fond of them. Alarm set for 2.30am, time to hit the sack and wake feeling awful. Remember to follow along from tomorrow morning! #madagascarherewecome #lookafterthechicks #herograndparents #wakingupatthetimeigotobed #charity #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instdad #FOD

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

ฉายแววนักยิมนาสติกมาแต่ไกล

View this post on Instagram

Conventional wisdom tells us that the passage of time through space happens at a constant rate forwards, but when you have children, that changes. I can only conclude that there's a rip in the space time continuum right above the girls bedroom as time just vanished this evening, leaving me feeling like I'd be screwed hard by a flux capacitor with anger management issues. One moment it's 6.30pm & I'm rounding them up for a bath, then I blinked & it was 8.15pm the world had fallen apart. Bath time – a tsunami nightmare that would have drowned the entire cast of 'honey I shrunk the kids'. Teeth – a stand off that ended in toothpaste in the eyes. Story time – A jackanory balls up that left me questioning my life choices. Bed time – a yoga session for hyperactive chipmunks that ended with Ottie hiding for 15 minutes in silence & me shouting down the street in the dark because I thought she'd gone (only to be found eating a chocolate egg under Anya's desk covered in a blanket). Of course, as I'd focused all my energy on these 2, the elder ones hadnt even had dinner! It may have only been a total of 1hr 45 minutes but I've aged several years on the process. I'm stongly considering calling Doc Brown to take be back to 2015 so I can get a vasectomy. #doctakemebacktogetavasectomy #ihatetuesday #screwedbyyimetravel #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

หนูไปนอนทำอะไรตรงนั้นลูกกก ฮาาาาา

View this post on Instagram

Just so we're clear, this isn't an ad!! This evening I successfully picked up all 4 girls & completed an emergency shop on the way home. With my arms laden with life admin essentials, everyone disembarked from the car & bounded off towards the house, arguing over who could scream the loudest. Every that is apart from Ottie, who instead decided to do her best impression of discarded flavourless chewing gum & welded herself to the pavement. A 2 minute silent stand ensued during which time 3 people walked passed this small human obstacle & tried to help encourage her to give up on horizontal protest / cloud gazing session, yet she proved to be tougher to shift than lipstick from a carpet (and that's tough, believe me). I honestly couldn't tell you why this all started, but it finished with her getting up, starring at me with death ray eyes that went straight through heart and walked off as if I was nothing had happened. I've been in meetings where I wished I'd employed this tactic. Oh to be 2 again. #toddlerstandoff #bemoreottie #gumimpressionisonpoint #noidea #parenting #Fatherofdaughters #fod #dadlife #instadad #twins

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

อย่าตีกันนน

View this post on Instagram

I know that Sleep deprivation is a UN sanctioned method of torture but do they also play the sound of crying babies at the same time? if not, they really should as i would  give up all the information required & hand over a lung for free, just to make it stop. For all the joy parenting brings, there's also challenges & last night was one of them. As a result of the twins nocturnal snot induced insomnia party, the day & night merged into one blurry grey tinged memory, leaving us looking & feeling like one of those helium balloons the kids insist on for keeping for months after their birthdays – deflated, wrinkled, & consigned to send the rest of our day bumbling along with our faces on the floor. Yet this morning, I found the 2 small people responsible for our sorry state of affairs had booted up their backup systems & now found enough energy to reenact a scene from highlander & fight over who did the best job of ensuring neither of their parents should be allowed to operate heavy machinery. It seems that Ottie won. I concure. #sleepdeprivation #beatenbytoddlers #therecanonlybeone #ifyouseeclemmiewakeherup #heliumballoonparenting #fatherofdaughters #fod #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

เห็นลูกกินอิ่มพ่อก็ดีใจ

 

การอาบน้ำเป็นไปอย่างราบรื่น

View this post on Instagram

With Clemmie away, I was left to take on the role of cartaker of this particular sorority house this evening & it's been somewhat of a challenge. I can only assume that the bath is, in fact, a large white sieve as that's the only logical reason for the amount of water on the floor. It resembled a flood plain after the expensive, but completely ineffectual defences gave up the ghost & drowned the surrounding area. Of course, the twins loved it so much that despite now sitting in an empty tub, extracting them was more troublesome than getting a duck to whistle (no lips, they can't do it!). Both suffering from FOMO, the girls did their best impersonations of industrial building materials & went as ridge as steel girders, refusing to leave, holding on to the taps with such force that they'd make half decent plumbing tools should I need some in the future. This was the moment I finally prised the limpets away from their rock pool. As you can see, annoyed is an understatement. 2 down, 2 more to go. #bathroomfloodplain #thegirdergirls #tsunamibeforebed #bathtime #bathtuborsieve #twins #solo #fomo #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

คุณพ่อผู้เสียสละให้ลูกๆ ได้นอนสบาย ฮ่าๆ

 

พ่อยังไหวว

View this post on Instagram

Looking after little ones whilst enduring the remainder of a post stag do adult headache that i'd invested a fair out time, effort and money in and was of such good quality it required surgery to remove , wasn't one of my 'top of list' activities to do upon getting home. That said, the vast majority of my parenting was done while horizontal. Doctors patients, horsey rides (that don't move), sleeping giants, being a baby, pretending to play hide & seek and using the 30 seconds as I count as an excuse for a micro sleep – anything that involves frequent opportunities to inspect the inside of my eyelids and such little movement that a sloth with motivation issues and a gammy leg could accuse me of being lazy. It's official – my body just isn't as young a my mind thinks I am. #poststagdo #backtoreality #twins #yesididgethitwiththatshoe #passtheparacetamol #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) on

 

แม้ว่าจะแต่ละวันคุณพ่อจะเหนื่อยขนาดไหน พอเห็นลูกยิ้มได้ คุณพ่อก็มีความสุขแล้ว

 

ที่มา: @father_of_daughters , boredpanda

Advertisement

คุณคิดอย่างไรกับเรื่องนี้บ้าง...